I actually don't know where to start because got so many things that I want to share but not everything is meant to be shared, right? But do you guys ever feel or think about the future? Like how scary it can be if it does not go as what we planned. Or maybe we have to go through the journey without our loved one. I got nervous and panic every time I think about it because I'm so afraid of losing the ones that I really loved, cared, the one who always meant the world for me. Thinking back to that painful moment, I rarely can breathe. I feel like I'm drowning in my own thoughts.
But then again, life must go on. Whether we like it or not. We have to go with the flow and just wait and see what's life has got for us. But then again, my stubborn mind sometimes wants to stop the flow for a while and take a rest from everything. I need time to breathe properly from this air full of pain. I need to breathe the real peaceful and calm air that is not being polluted by the negativity of its surrounding. I really need to calm and find myself again. I really need a break from everything.
Life really is confusing. They said that time will heal all those pain. It does heal most of the pain but the scars are still there. It can never be removed. Whenever I try to move on and not to think about the past that makes me down on my knees, I will still fail. The past will always win because I'm not the type of person who easily let go of something especially if that something is the one that I really love the most. Yes, I got my family, friends and my beloved boyfriend. But sometimes, I just need an explanation of why that thing happened. What did I do wrong till people left me and find someone else in a short time.
But then again, it's not worth it anymore because everyone left and already found someone new. They are already happy with their new life. They do not need a person like me anymore. All my efforts, the things that I have done for them, is nothing for them. Not anymore. They don't care anymore. All they care about is their happy life. Yes, I am happy for them. Seeing and knowing that they are happy with their current life makes me happy too. Even when it's not because of me, but I'm still happy for them. But the problem now is that I still need an explanation from them. Why did they leave? What have I ever done to them? Are they hating me silently?
Know what, I'm going to end my writing here. Because I'm crying so hard right now. Hahahah I'm sorry. Goodnight. Assalamualaikum..
WMW - 4/7/2019 - 3:52AM